Contrary to the popular struggle of not doing enough, my biggest struggle is doing too much. As I wrote my Self-Assessment on the train from Paris to Nice, I looked out the window at the beautiful view of the French coastline. Like a wave, the feeling of peace swept through me as I recognized the brewing epiphany.

International work experience is something that I wanted to tackle as the next step in my journey. What was interesting about this was that I was currently in the second year of my M.A. program and I had decided to hit the pause button on applications, visa contemplation, and conversations. This always raises deep discomfort in me feeling that I’m “not doing enough” and without taking certain steps the outcome I desire will be out of reach.

Logically, I recognize that this isn’t true. Oftentimes, we think that there is only one path and that certain steps will ensure this path but that’s just an intellectual defense mechanism of the mind to try to gain control. Additionally, working so intently toward something it can take away from opportunities that might present themselves along the way. This was something that I’ve been earnestly trying to accept and allow. In Prince Harry’s memoir, he talks about how Meghan had a full summer but left a week without plans per her friends’ advice to “leave room for magic.” Fate would just have in store that it would be the week that she and Harry fell in love in South Africa.

So where does that leave me? Leaving room for magic isn’t possible without the mindset that allows for it. Meaning that if I am to be anxious and fearful that “I’m not doing the right thing.” then anything that might come along will unlikely be allowed to enter my life because I’ll be to hell-bound with my original plan. Hoping all my fellow control freaks can relate. In theory, there isn’t much that can replace international work experience but the learning that comes from that and the interpersonal relationships can be developed elsewhere too. Even in my home base of New York City.

Here’s to knowing that I’m exactly where I should be right now and all that it guarantees is that exact moment, the present because anything ahead is entirely out of my control. For once, I’m totally ok with that.