Ask Avni:

“Do you think you could write about self esteem and comparing yourself and your worth to what you see on social media? A lot of my friends including myself suffer from this and it would be great if you could give us coping tips and how to remind yourself that on social media it is all high reels and possibly plastic surgery that we are comparing ourselves to and it doesn’t really exist in the way we understand it to be. I just think that would be such a helpful blog bc so many people in our age group have that issue” - Shivani

Thank you for asking this Shivani! When I began penciling my thoughts on this topic, it was challenging to coherently express them since this is something I still struggle with. But as I continued to let it roam in my chaotic mind, it dawned on me that there are two primary elements. The first is comparison itself; when we choose to compare ourselves, we are limiting the creativity that we all have within us. It enables us to succumb to the thoughts of insecurity and self-doubt that our mind beguiles us.

The other is technology becoming increasingly ubiquitous. Dr. Jean Twenge has conducted research showing when smartphones entered the marketplace, those born between 1995 and 2012 have become sitting ducks for those technology platforms lying wake to hijack the minds and manipulate the emotions of this cohort. She believes that the rise of social media and smartphone use increase has let this generation to be (Medium) —

Everyone faces the effects of elements described above. This is why it’s more important than ever to go beyond the awareness to take actionable steps preventing our mind to be exploited in the way it has been. The following are items I put into practice to prevent myself from falling into the toxic comparison traps within social media -

1. Limit social media consumption: Prioritize disconnecting yourself from social media when you feel yourself experiencing the most comparison. I try to practice disconnecting at least once a week, for at least a few hours to clear my head. Keeping my phone off for a day or a weekend completely blocks me from allowing my mind to think these thoughts and it makes me realize that I’m not supposed to be seeing, consuming, and thinking about all the things I do. This way my thoughts are more organic due to the lack of external stimulation.

2. Focus on improving yourself: Comparing yourself to somebody else is like comparing apples to oranges (#ABtalks). Instead, reframe your mind to focus on improving yourself. My philosophy on improvement is to strive to be 1% better than yourself from the day before. This mentality allows you to work on the tiny changes that will pave the way for life transformations before you know it. This is best described when someone who doesn’t have a regular exercise routine tries to set a goal or resolution to work out every day. Going from 0 days to 7 is unrealistic, instead the best thing to do is try to aim for 1-2 days, and then build up to 7 over the next few weeks. When you set realistic goals, by accomplishing them you’re given a sense of accomplishment which drives the motivation to take it up another notch.

3. Change your inner narrative: This is the most important one for me pertaining to comparison - I think that how one compares themselves to others is a direct relation of the narrative they have created for themselves. Try to think back to the last time you that compared yourself to someone and reflect on what you were telling yourself. Was it that ‘X person is better than you?’ Or that ‘you’ll never be able to be as Y as this person?’ It’s so much easier said than done but the only person who is thinking this is YOU. And I believe that with proper guidance, true grit, and discipline, one can achieve anything in time. So, with that perspective, look at the things that you thought you couldn’t do and realize how much that person must have worked hard to be able to achieve that.

4. Transform comparison to connection: After changing my inner narrative, I noticed that I began using comparison as inspiration to achieve things that people have accomplished that I wanted to be able to integrate into my life. These ranged from experiences to habits that constitute their identities. Social media is troublesome because we only see the celebrations, achievements, and “highs” in people’s lives. This year I told my friend that I wanted to make my social media more real, more me. While I still struggle with this, I try to depict the honest hardships of life as much as I can through this blog. Although I may not be someone who you’re comparing yourself to, I urge you to reach out to the person whom you are comparing yourself to and try to approach it as a learning opportunity.

At the end of the day, we’re all humans craving connectivity. This was what I wrote about in my first post and it really did guide me as a newly discovered true north. As I continued to reach out to people, some who I knew but not well, and others who I had never talked to but managed to build new relationships with. People are likely to show interest and form relationships when there is something in common, the missing piece is that it usually requires someone to take the initiative when we’re not already placed in a situation like school, work, etc.

Once we recognize the impact of social media on comparison, its time to take the actionable steps to prevent consumption and transform comparison to connectivity because we have the opportunity to utilize each other as resources and achieve success alongside one another. We need to normalize reaching out and asking for help because I have yet to experience an instance where I was regretful for reaching out, and it wouldn’t have brought me to the new professional direction I’m aiming for now. It also reminded me that kindness lies within people, despite the turmoil we’re facing in the world around us.

Sources:

AnasBukhash. “#ABtalks with Thomas Brag from Yes Theory - ‘مع توماس براغ من ‘يس ثيوري | Chapter 45.” YouTube, YouTube, 8 Dec. 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgrKGtamelg.

Fontaine, Zita. “Stop Being a People-Pleaser to Make People Like You More.” Medium, The Startup, 4 Feb. 2020, medium.com/swlh/stop-being-a-people-pleaser-to-make-people-like-you-more-a3c94d32b653.

Rowland, Marie. “Why Social Media Is Making You Compare and Despair -.” WellBeing Magazine, 4 Jan. 2020, www.wellbeing.com.au/mind-spirit/mind/45202.html.

Parcast Studios. “Brené with Jim Collins on Curiosity, Generosity, and the Hedgehog.” Dare to Lead. 14 December 2020. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6fjipwsohxCpKUD8r2vIIL.