I thought “feeling” wasn’t an option for me until I discovered how much I spent my days in my head. It’s no surprise that this is the source of my excellent organization, planning, and analytical abilities. However, to get to those end products and skills, it requires filtering and refining the jumbled thoughts.

I like to think of my mind like my own person cave of wonders, it’s always so fascinating to me what I’m thinking and so often it takes me by surprise in the best way. It’s the birthplace of my most creative ideas and source of many “aha” moments. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love my mind, I truly believe that what comes from it is only the beginning of it’s maximum potential and this graduate school journey alongside launching this blog has set me on a path towards that. But this comes with a fault…

This over-identification with my mind leads me to be my worst critic, choosing the most challenging comparisons and allowing shame to seep in. When you’re living in your own mind, it allows you to think deeply and critically. It also leads to those spiraling thoughts and comparisons. Often times, it isn’t a choice to choose which messages to take and accept from up there. Or so I thought…

I can say without a doubt that my own journey towards meditation and mindfulness has completely changed the course of my mental identification to that of ‘noticing’ vs. ‘thinking.’ It’s a common misconception that mindfulness will calm your mind to the point that it will take away the parts of you that make you who you are and one of my feels as I began engaging in the intentional practice. I’m still able to preserve both but what has come is the ability to gain more mental time before my actions, something that was never an option for me.

This realization came to me a few months after the Pandemic incited lockdown as I was able to engage in mindful practices such as meditation, going on walks outside, journaling, affirmations, visualizations, etc. due to the time that I had received. However, despite my earnest attempts to preserve this through my transition to New York, my practice slipped a bit. I like to think of mindfulness as a muscle. It requires consistency and intent to improve upon. Without this, its true effects are not able to be achieved.

My Adaptive Negotiation and Conflict Resolution class emphasized the importance of mindfulness when dealing with the astute concepts of negotiation and conflict resolution. It becomes challenging or impossible to have a peaceful, cooperative outlook when dealing with these two concepts, especially in the polarizing world we live it. It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time because I was finally becoming more intentional with my mindfulness practice after feeling overwhelmed for a little post move.

This strengthening of the mindfulness muscle allowed me to begin feeling like myself again in this crazy city that never sleeps. In the beginning, I was fearful that my new life would have to be reduced to a phase of my time in the suburbs over the Pandemic but now I realize that it most definitely isn’t a phase and I’m so determined to continue this practice as well as the rest of my Wholehearted journey while I’m here.

Sources:

Mineo, Liz. “Less Stress, Clearer Thoughts with Mindfulness Meditation.” Harvard Gazette, Harvard Gazette, 1 Nov. 2019, https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/less-stress-clearer-thoughts-with-mindfulness-meditation/.