A few weeks ago, I made the decision to move back to my parents’ home in Sacramento, CA. It was a difficult decision, but the moment I made it, I felt an instant wave of relief and knew that I had made the right choice. Traveling back and forth between Sacramento and SF the past few months made me realize that I enjoyed having the extra space, had a lot more Sacramento pride than I realized, and was able to coexist with my parents. For those who knew me in high school, you know how much growth I’ve experienced to be able to say that. Despite these reasons, I kept thinking that this decision was a step backwards in my life. I had moved out for college and moved to SF right after to take on post graduate life. But over the past few months, I’ve realized how much financial stability is at the core of my beliefs, it became evident that in order to reach my savings goals, and be able to live the type of life I desire in the future, I need to make sustainable changes in my present to last the rest of my life.

I’m an impatient, action-item oriented person. Once I make a decision, I tend to get it done quickly, which can result in an emotional gap between what is happening and how I feel. In trying to find comfort with my decision and escape the idea of moving backwards I went to one of my good friends, Brandon Haynes for advice.

He told me “Try to not think about it as moving backwards. It’s actually going to help you move forward with the money you save from rent. It’ll open up a lot of opportunities!”

His words not only brought me comfort but finally “clicked” in my mind, Life and time continue to move forward and the only person who held this belief that I was going “backwards” was myself.

It’s easy to fall victim to little narrations of our own life that may make us view our experiences with more emphasis than they need hold. This isn’t to invalidate what I was feeling, but to highlight how illogical it is. This realization and desire to put forward motion my new realization was described as the “rumble” of Brene Brown’s Rising Strong Process –

“Men and women who rise strong are willing and able to rumble with their stories. By rumble, I mean get honest about the stories they’ve made up about their struggles and they are willing to revisit, challenge, and reality-check these narratives as they dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness.”

By telling myself that I was taking a step back, I was preventing myself from fully embracing the new step in my journey. And to live in resistance will only cause further hindrances to my adjustment and potential.

In The Defining Decade, Meg Jay writes “Do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that’s an investment in who you might want to be next.” And that’s exactly what I was doing. It’s not easy leaving your unconfined, lively, individualistic life behind to move home and adjust to living with your parents as your roommates. But I knew how much I would grow from this opportunity and once I realized that, I was grateful to focus on other aspects of my life. Most of all, I became excited – for the quality time with my parents, to strengthen friendships with those in the area, and the ability to catalyze momentum towards my goals. 

The adjustment to the Pandemic was unexpected and came with experiencing stages of grief. Despite making the decision for my move, I’m sure a similar emotional grieving process will occur for this new life I’m beginning to embark on. But it’s never about what I lost - it’s about being honest with my stories, reality-checking the narratives I create, and finding comfort with the potential that the uncertainty of the journey will bring.

Sources:

Brown Brené. Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Random House, 2017.

Jay, Meg. The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. Twelve, 2021.