Self-Care, Self-Compassion, and Self-Love
Self-care has become such an integral part of my life. As an avid people pleaser, I have always struggled (and still do, tbh) with putting my own needs before other people. These excerpts are taken out of my daily Affirmations which I read to myself as part of my morning routine:
-I will not compromise my emotional wellbeing…
-I will prioritize myself and my happiness…
Including these messages in my affirmations begins a ritual of manifesting the type of behavior I desire for myself.
It was so eye opening to me to see the poor treatment of human beings in various regards - from the disrespect of not wearing a mask in public, to income inequality between genders in the workplace, to the horrors of institutional racism that this country is currently battling. On Unlocking Us, Sonya Renee Taylor discusses the connection between radical self love and social justice being that the system was set up externally but is impacted by our internal journey. We have the power to divest from the systemic ‘ladder’ because it only holds power from us trying to climb it. Yet, despite witnessing and wanting it to be understood that nobody has the authority to think and treat someone as if they are inferior, I did so to myself. My results in Dr. Neff’s Self -Compassion Scale demonstrated that I lacked self-compassion. Upon taking the test, my results indicated moderate levels of self-compassion. This was higher than I thought I would score but shed light on areas within the three elements of Self-Compassion that I wanted to improve to achieve higher levels of Self-Compassion. “Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?” as said by Dr. Neff. She breaks down the three elements as
Self-kindness vs Self Judgement
Common humanity vs Isolation
Mindfulness vs Over-identification
I realized that the one person I should please to achieve happiness is MYSELF . The following are some of my favorite practices that have helped shift my priorities -
Normalize alone time
Despite being an extrovert, I really do enjoy time to recharge and sit with my own thoughts. This was one of the blessings in disguise discovered through quarantine. I was forced to be alone and realized how much I loved and needed it!
2. Take mental health days
I compare these to REST days in a workout schedule. It’s easy to overlook them because the results may not be “visible” or valued to the same degree as exercise, but they are SO important for successful performance. If I want to be able to run PRs, then I must allow my body the rest days to let my muscles recover. The same applies to my mind - how can I expect myself to mentally perform optimally when I don’t allocate the same rest regimen. In the words of the world’s best investor, Warren Buffet,
“You only get one mind and one body. And it's got to last a lifetime. But if you don't take care of that mind and that body, they'll be a wreck 40 years later...it's what you do right now, today, that determines how your mind and body will operate 10, 20, and 30 years from now (Inc.)."
3. Do nothing
I used to think that rest meant sleep or the time I spent outdoors (podcast & walk, listening to music while I sit outside, etc.) but allowing my mind to wander was when my favorite ideas came about. It truly is the conception of creativity.
While the importance of mental health awareness and self-care have been brought into public light recently, it is still not normalized to the degree necessary. I hope that anyone reading this will be inspired to take a mental health day and make it a regular practice in their lives. I’m grateful for people like Kara Schwartz who who share these priorities and are making it accessible to people in their community through her blog - SelfKar! Check out her piece on Self-Care that includes an excerpt from this post.
Sources:
Neff, Kristen. “Test How Self-Compassionate You Are: Kristin Neff.” Self, 8 Nov. 2018, self-compassion.org/test-how-self-compassionate-you-are/.
Parcast. “Brene with Sonya Renee Taylor on “The Body is Not an Apology.” Unlocking Us. 16 Sept. 2020. https://open.spotify.com/episode/1AlbJihIXu6jyPtnlao5qG?si=7_A5OitVT42O390XAdFGZg
Schwantes, Marcel. “Warren Buffett Says Take Care of Your Mind and Body or They'll Be a Wreck Later. Here Are 5 Simple Ways to Do It.” Inc.com, Inc., 12 Feb. 2020, www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/warren-buffett-says-to-take-care-of-your-mind-body-or-theyll-be-a-wreck-later-here-are-5-simple-ways-to-do-it.html.
