The Urgency for Embracing Radical Self-Love
When I first heard Sonya Renee Taylor (author, poet, spoken word artist, speaker, humanitarian and social justice activist, educator, and founder of The Body is Not An Apology movement) on Unlocking Us, I was truly blown away. The conversation was around radical self-love and the ability to dismantle social oppression through the embracing of this notion. She described the systems that our society has been built on as a ladder in a beautiful metaphor. When we all stop climbing the ladder, the system cannot exist. Could it really be that easy, I thought as I replayed the podcast to continue digesting her wisdom. Immediately, I knew I had to read her book, The Body is Not an Apology.
“We have ranked our bodies against the bodies of others, deciding they are greater or lesser than our own based on the prejudices and biases we inherited”
As a former people pleaser, I began setting boundaries and began becoming more comfortable with people becoming disappointed in me. This was hard at first but through learnings and therapy, I’ve learned how important it is to look after yourself. In order to truly work towards change for others, you need to make sure that you can take care of yourself first. Think: airplane oxygen mask that they always tell you to put on yourself before your children. Additionally, people pleasing correlates to codependence, or done so with the intention of receiving in return. This can take different forms for different people but it was such big learning for me because I never expected things in return, yet subconsciously it was evolved around my limiting belief that I wasn’t good enough. I like comparing this to how people become self-conscious when they go to the gym because they perceive that others are looking at them and judging. The critical view we have of ourselves is one of the opening premises in Taylor’s book. While at the gym it is highly unlikely that people are looking at others beyond themselves, and if they are, it is uncertain that they are doing so with judgement. They are likely questioning what the other thinks of them. This critical view of ourselves steps from apologizing for occupying space.
“Space is infinite yet it is possible to be out of balance. With canyon-sized wealth gaps feeding global poverty but not bellies, billionaires are out of balance...we have been convinced we are ineffectual at exacting any real change against our social systems and structures, so instead we land the guilt and blame squarely on the shoulders of the most accessible party: ourselves.”
While we burden these feelings due to the lack of balance in our society; the notion of being fully in love with yourself is innate as we were born into this world. Taylor describes how we are in awe at our bodies, experiences, and selves as an extension. This shows how much of the mind controls our own perception of self. This is aided and abetting, for both women and men, by the media and capitalism. Yet somewhere along the line we assimilated to societal expectations and began to apologize for taking up space and existing. I may have apologized more than the average person in the past but this apologetical sense is different – it expands beyond your actions or behaviors but to your existence. Why do humans, women especially, apologize for taking up space when space is infinite so to speak? The apologetic nature of taking up space extends to the idea that being different in a world that tells us there is a normal and it takes form of body terrorism and dehumanization.
“Describing body terrorism as a systemic and structural issue underscores how our policial, economic, and social systems uphold the marginalization of bodies based on race, gender, agem size, ability, sexual orientation, and a variety of other markers.”
The ability of radical self-love to destroy systems of oppression cannot come at a more pertinent time. The horrific incidents of body terrorism that were perpetrated by the mass shooting that resulted in the death of 6 Asian women on March 16, 2021. Yet, media refuses to call it what it is - hate crimes against Asian Americans. We must do better. We must stand in solidarity with our Asian American brothers and sisters and serve as allies to the tragedy they are enduring. We cannot understand what they are going through but it is our responsibility to ensure that our actions prevent the occurence of this in the future. This incident was not at all isolated. From March 2020, there have been 3, 795 reported Anti-Asian hate incidents and a majority of these have been reported by women, 64%. And these incidents represent only a fraction of those that occurred but were not reported, I strongly encourage everyone to read the full AAPI National Report.
“Projection shields us from personal responsibility”
This has been incited in almost entirety through Donald Trump’s projection of COVID-19 as the “Chinese Virus” and own personal rhetoric towards Asian Americans. He removed responsibility from himself through this projection and his administration continued to spread this Anti-Asian sentiment (Huffington Post). These attempts to reduce someone’s humanity which inspire some to utilize violence is completely catastrophic. The urgency for radical self-love goes beyond my relationship with my body. It spreads the urgency of needing to dethrone the systems of oppression that this country has been built on; white supremacy isn’t the elephant in the room, it is the room (Unlocking Us). The rhetoric that was spread by the Trump administration isn’t the first time the UNited States has vilified minority groups by targeting them (Five Thirty Eight). It is imperative that we not only continue to unlearn, support organizations that have been doing the groundwork, donate money where possible, SPEAK UP to hold those perpetrating these stereotypes/believes against others, and spread the message to loved ones and have the honest conversations where these implicit biases and prejudices can be identified.
Sources:
Ahmed, Akbar Shahid. “Stoked By Trump, Paranoia About China Is Fueling Anti-Asian Racism.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 17 Mar. 2021, www.huffpost.com/entry/china-racism-foreign-policy_n_60526913c5b6264a8fb8ff37.
Parcast Studios. “Brené with Sonya Renee Taylor” Unlocking Us. 16 September 2020. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-sonya-renee-taylor-on-the-body-is-not-an-apology/.
Parcast Studios. “Brené on Words, Actions, Dehumanization, and Accountability.” Unlocking Us. 13 January 2021. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-words-actions-dehumanization-and-accountability/
Jeung, Russell, et al. Stop AAPI Hate, 2021, Stop AAPI Hate, Stop AAPI Hate.
Samuels, Alex. “The U.S. Has A Long-Standing History Of Vilifying Minority Groups During Times Of Crisis.” FiveThirtyEight, FiveThirtyEight, 10 Mar. 2021, fivethirtyeight.com/features/covid-19-has-led-to-an-uptick-in-anti-asian-racism/.
Taylor, Sonya Renee. Body Is Not an Apology. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2021.
