Women and Negotiation (or the lack thereof)
As I watched the episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Dr. Bailey is doubted for having a heart attack, I brown down in tears. Now, this may be a common occurrence for me with Grey’s, despite having seen this episode a handful of times already. Grey’s is my favorite show and I’ve definitely formed an irrational attachment to the characters, but the newer episodes have been on important, pertinent topics that have resonated so deeply. If you’re contemplating restarting the show or haven’t watched it (honestly how?), please stop everything you’re doing and watch it RIGHT. NOW.
In the episode, Dr. Miranda Bailey, Chief of Surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, goes to a rival hospital when she experiences symptoms resembling a heart attack. When she is admitted, one test is conducted (an EKG) that doesn’t yield results that indicate her diagnosis. Her doctor is a male who dismisses her and questions her mental health, stress, and essentially of “making symptoms up” because she is a woman.When she requests that she speak to a Supervisor, she is faced with further questioning and referred to Psych. It is appalling how further tests weren’t conducted to ensure that her health remained pristine but also how easily invalidated her own experience as not only a surgeon but Chief of Surgery was as a woman.
In the end, her colleagues from Grey Sloan Memorial arrive, Dr. Richard Webber and Dr. Maggie Pierce, in time for her surgery, which is conducted by Dr. Pierce. Throughout the episode, we learn further about Dr. Bailey’s past and how hard she worked to become the brave, badass surgeon we all know her to be. Her hesitation to take time off after the procedure is yet another hurdle women face in society. She states how she and Dr. Pierce didn’t get to where they are by taking sick days (Grey’s Anatomy).
This concept of working at overdrive and performing excellent, perfect work is something I discussed with my coworker a few months ago. It felt as though some of the women were putting in 200% to get recognized while men received raving reviews for putting in their bear minimum. Bearing witness to this type of treatment, however subconscious it may be, is disheartening.
While women are working harder than their male counterparts, they are overcome with imposter syndrome from societal implications telling them their role is to be equated to the traditional housewife, beauty standards, etc. This is one of the biggest reasons that leads to men negotiating more. For those working, you all know the importance of your first salary. It’s the base for which you will receive compensation increases for the remainder of your career. On average, those who negotiated received $4,053 more than those who didn’t ask. But why don’t women not negotiate? They are faced with negative stereotypes such as being too passive, emotional, or easily influenced. These can lead to stereotyping, threats, and backlash (Gutierrez).
It all goes back to the dire need of radical self-love. Sonya Renee Taylor describes how humans, particularly women, apologize for their existence (The Body is Not an Apology). This concept in itself is a bit crazy because space, so to speak, is infinite. So why do we apologize for taking up space? Similarly, why do we (women) feel bad when we ask for more and, oftentimes, taking less than we deserve?
The gender divide is years away from reaching equity. Melinda Gates explains the two barriers that need to be broken globally are eliminating sexual harassment and removing barriers in industries where they aren’t in those positions. She states that we are 208 years away from quality so progress shouldn’t a sign to be complicit. Apart from my own personal bias of being a women and knowing far more amazing women than men (sorry not sorry) but the evidence behind how all the countries with the best COVID-19 responses share one thing in common – female leaders. Countries with women leaders have prevailed this pandemic though macro-level thinking, family-systems thinking, and doing the right thing for their people (Unlocking Us).
My goal for this blog is to inspire people to live a more wholehearted live that is true to themselves but my goal for this post and the future in its entirety is to live and spread the important message that Glennon Doyle teaches us in Untamed. Society has taught us that martyrdom is the only option to being a good woman. But it’s not, we are powerful cheetahs (YES) and not only do we have the ability to recognize that society has trained us into conformation but once we recognize that we’ve been fighting with one hand tight behind our back (Captain Marvel) the potential of our powers insurmountable.
Sources:
“(Don’t Fear) the Reaper” Grey's Anatomy, created by Shonda Rhimes, season 14, episode 11, ABC, 1 Feb 2018.
Doyle, Glennon. Untamed. Vermilion, 2020.
Fleck, R., & Boden, A. (2019). Captain Marvel. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.
Gutierrez, A. 2021. Negotiation, Power, and Influence, lecture notes. Organizational Behavior MBAA-6010, Loyola Marymount University, delivered 23 Feb 2021.
Parcast Studios. “Brené with Melinda Gates on The Moment of Lift.” Unlocking Us. 20 January 2021. https://open.spotify.com/episode/29gnRftqNHRTtnC8jqIVLM?si=APFo_Vl3RbSFDFEfYl_6SQ.
Taylor, Sonya Renee. Body Is Not an Apology. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2021.
